Warning Signs of a Cheating Spouse and How to Catch Them
by Chris Loomis
You can’t recall when it started, but you know it’s present now. It’s that sinking funny feeling you get in your stomach, possibly an intuition that makes you believe that your spouse is stepping out and having an affair and cheating on you. Maybe things just don’t seem right or as they used to with your husband or wife. Is there a new unexplainable tension in your relationship? Maybe something has changed with your girlfriend or boyfriend…. Regardless of whether it is an emotional affair or a physical affair it is still cheating. Infidelity is infidelity.
Many people feel that they are the only one that has ever been humiliated and hurt by a cheating spouse. However, adultery, infidelity, or cheating, whatever you want to call it, crosses all social barriers. It doesn’t matter how much money you make, where you are located geographically, what you do for a living or what you don’t do for a living, or any other factors-cheating is present in all walks of and stations in life. Many people thing that men are the most likely to cheat, but women are nearly as prone to cheating.
In a March 2006 study titled, “American Sexual Behavior: Trends, Socio-Demographic Differences, and Risk Behavior,” by Tom W. Smith of the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, it is stated that, “The best estimates are that about 3-4% of currently married people have a sexual partner besides their spouse in a given year and about 15-18% of ever-married people have had a sexual partner other than their spouse while married.”
Do you want to catch them in the act of have enough evidence to confront them? Then keep reading!
Here’s a list of several signs, or “red flag indicators,” that your spouse is cheating. You’ll notice that they are not geared more towards any particular gender. Also, it is quite possible that one or several of these indicators are present, but that doesn’t mean your spouse is cheating. What may be a red flag in one relationship may be nothing to be concerned about in another relationship. Some of these indicators might be “tongue in cheek” while others might be a dead giveaway and definitive proof. No matter what these signs and symptoms of cheating need to be examined and considered in their totality. Proper and complete investigation is required to reach an appropriate conclusion.
- 1. Birth control is found and your husband has had a vasectomy or your wife has had a tubal ligation.
- 2. Mutual friends start acting awkwardly around you (they either have knowledge of the cheating or have been told stories about how you’re a bad wife or husband)
- 3. Your husband or wife stops confiding in your or asking your for advice and input.
- 4. An email account is set up and you are not told of it.
- 5. The spouse leaves the house smelling of one fragrance but arrives home smelling of another.
- 6. They join a gym and start a arduous physical training program.
- 7. Your husband or wife begins to keep a change of clothes hidden in the trunk of their vehicle or an unusual amount of clothes are being stored at the gym or inside a gym duffle bag.
- 8. Your wife or husband opens a post office box account without telling you.
- 9. Your spouse buys a prepaid cellular phone or starts a new cellular phone account and doesn’t tell you.
- 10. Maybe a new cellular account is opened and billing is sent to the spouse’s office.
- 11. Your spouse begins regularly deleting incoming phone calls from the call history and/or caller ID log on their cellular phone.
- 12. Your spouse starts to regularly delete all incoming emails when they used to accumulate.
- 13. You receive telephone calls where the caller hangs up when they hear your voice.
- 14. Your wife or husband uses a low voice or whisper when talking on the phone or hangs up quickly.
- 15. Your spouse tells you that you can get in touch with them at a different telephone number than they are normally at.
- 16. Your spouse becomes accusatory asking if you are being true to them possibly out of their own feelings of guilt.
- 17. Starts asking hypothetical questions like, “Do you think it is possible that a person can love more than one person at a time?
- 18. He or she buys themselves new underwear.
- 19. You find intimate clothing or gifts that you did not give your spouse.
- 20. Your husband or wife insists that the children’s car seat and/or toys be kept out of their vehicle.
- 21. Your wife or husband stops wearing their wedding ring.
- 22. Your spouse has a new and/or sudden interest to assist in doing the laundry.
- 23. Has unexplained scratches or bruises on their body.
- 24. Your spouse has a sudden desire to try to love making techniques.
- 25. Your husband or wife stops having sex with you all together.
- 26. Your wife or husband suddenly wants to have more sex with you or wants sex more often with you.
- 27. Your spouse supposedly works a lot of overtime, but it is not reflected in their paycheck or finances.
- 28. Your wife or husband starts fights in order to stomp out of the house.
- 29. You find out by accident or coincidence that your husband or wife took a vacation or sick day from work but according to them they were at work that day or at that time.
- 30. Your spouse’s co-workers are uncomfortable in your presence.
- 31. Your husband or wife instructs you to not visit them at their place of work.
- 32. Your spouse shows sudden interest in a different genre of music.
- 33. Your husband or wife has a newfound preoccupation with their appearance.
- 34. He or she spends and excessive amount of time on the computer –especially after you have gone to bed.
- 35. Your husband or wife is away from home, either at night or on trips, more than they used to be.
- 36. Their clothes smell of an unfamiliar perfume or cologne.
- 37. The amount of money being deposited into a checking account unexplainably drops off.
- 38. Your husband or wife seems to be more “touchy,” has mood swings, or is easily angered.
- 39. Your husband or wife loses attention in activities in your home.
- 40. Your spouse had a clear change of attitude towards everyone in the home.
- 41. They display uncharacteristic erratic behavior.
- 42. They sneak out of the house.
- 43. Your spouse goes to the store to get something simple and is gone for hours.
- 44. Your husband or wife has an unexplainable increase in their vehicle’s mileage reading or increase in their gasoline expenses.
- 45. You notice credit card charges for gifts that you did not receive.
- 46. You notice an increase in ATM withdrawals.
Remember: these indicators must be analyzed in their totality. The presence of one indicator does not provide a definitive answer to the question.
So, how do you catch your spouse in the act of cheating? For one, seek the assistance of an outside 3rd party. Not a friend or family member, but a professional that deals with this sort of thing on a regular basis. Possibly you need to hire a Private Investigation or even maybe a psychologist. It may be a good idea to hire both!
What can you do yourself? First and foremost, trust your intuition, but gain confirmation. Start looking at your spouse’s overall behaviors and any change in their appearance. Listen closely to your spouse for any off color or out of character remarks being made. Also, pay attention to inconsistencies or lies. Take note of any new smells on your spouse’s person or in their vehicle. This can range from unfamiliar fragrances to incriminating sexual odors. Stay vigilant, but not intrusive of their privacy.
Also, document everything. Do not rely on your memory. Record your findings in a journal and keep it under lock and key. This will make it easier for you to analyze what is happening and determine patterns. Continue your observations and things will begin to fall into place.
You must also be disciplined and restrain yourself. It’ll take a large effort on your part to keep your mouth shut as you develop evidence against your spouse. There will be an appropriate time for confrontation later….
Most importantly-DO NOT jeopardize your safety or legal liability in an attempt to gain insight or evidence of any affair or cheating!
There are several applicable State and Federal laws that must be adhered to in the investigation of infidelity. Either consult your Attorney or let a professional Private Investigator take over in these instances.
For instance there are laws that pertain to using GPS tracking devices. In California, Penal Code Section 637.7 states:
“637.7.(a) No person or entity in this state shall use an
electronic tracking device to determine the location or movement of a person.”
And there is always technicality of laws. For instance, there is Assembly Bill 452, that if passed, will amend the above referenced Penal Code Section.
“Tapping” phones and/or intercepting email communications is also prohibited in California under Penal Code Section 631, which states:
“631.(a) Any person who, by means of any machine, instrument, or contrivance, or in any other manner, intentionally taps, or makes any unauthorized connection, whether physically, electrically, acoustically, inductively, or otherwise, with any telegraph or telephone wire, line, cable, or instrument, including the wire, line, cable, or instrument of any internal telephonic communication
system, or who willfully and without the consent of all parties to the communication, or in any unauthorized manner, reads, or attempts to read, or to learn the contents or meaning of any message, report, or communication while the same is in transit or passing over any wire, line, or cable, or is being sent from, or received at any place within this state; or who uses, or attempts to use, in any manner, or for any purpose, or to communicate in any way, any information so obtained, or who aids, agrees with, employs, or conspires with any person or persons to unlawfully do, or permit, or cause to be done any of the acts or things mentioned above in this section, is punishable by a fine not exceeding two thousand five hundred dollars ($2,500), or by imprisonment in the county jail not exceeding one year, or by imprisonment in the state prison, or by both a fine and imprisonment in the county jail or in the state prison.”
Think it might be a good idea to take a look at your spouse’s consumer credit report to see if they have any new credit cards? Don’t even think about it. Title 15 of the United State Code section 1681 lists more than a few permissible purposes for obtaining a consumer credit report…and spousal infidelity isn’t one of them!
Oh yeah, about bank account records and statements that are not in your name: It takes an act of God or at least a court order.
Then there is surveillance. Ah yes, good ole spying. It’s a GREAT tool to use. It can oftentimes produce smoking gun evidence of infidelity and get it all caught on film or some other media. We’ve all seen it on television and in the movies. Once again, there are applicable laws that must be followed (pun intended). So many that it is the subject of another article! And, it’s not the easiest task to accomplish. Surveillance is not about sitting outside a house in a car in the rain, or looking through a small in a newspaper you are pretending to be reading. It is part art and part science.
Sounds pretty gloomy with no hope of seeking the truth? Not so fast. There is a solution. Find a competent licensed Private Investigator. They’ll know the appropriate course of action if there are attuned at working infidelity investigations. They will probably have more than a few tricks up their sleeve. And they will be abreast of all the legalities involved. They can undertake the task, and get to the bottom of it all for you.
This article may be reproduced by anyone at any time as long as all contact information for Chris Loomis Consultations and website addresses remain.
Chris Loomis Consultations
-A Private Investigations Firm-
P.O. Box 660351
Arcadia, CA 91006 U.S.A.
(626) 230-3137 Office
CA PI # 24384